A recent reel on Instagram garnered more attention than I had anticipated.
I’d been on mental health leave since March this year.
During this time, my employer and I decided to call time on our relationship.
It was for best thing for me in hindsight.
What I will say is how disappointed I felt that it came to this.
It felt like a waste of 17 years.
Sounds like a bad marriage, doesn’t it?
And while it wasn’t anything my employer did,
It was what a man said to me after the fact that still grinds my gears.
Before kids, my job was my identity
I committed to my role straight out of high school.
The buzz I felt helping the community and watching staff I’d trained succeed in career opportunities was so rewarding.
In the early years, I progressed quickly and had many of my own successes.
I’m proud of what I accomplished, even if it does feel a tad wasteful.
MAFS and COVID came and went.
I fell pregnant, had twins unexpectedly early and became a mother.
My career was never the same after that.
Out of a job
When I returned to work after maternity leave, I felt a shift in the perception of my abilities.
It subsided when I moved on to a new industry.
My first blog for Her Second Shift was about returning to full-time work as a new Mum and all the challenges and feelings that came with it.
So, when a man, who I didn’t know and didn’t know me in any capacity, said now that “I had children, I might not be compatible with my job…”
I fought back tears and held my composure.
No way was I going to give him the satisfaction that his words had affected me.
So, when I wrote on my IG reel, that I had to choose between my career and my children, I felt like I did.
Choosing my children was of course a no-brainer.
It doesn’t mean that I was happy about it.
I should never have had to make that kind of choice. Not in our current climate.
Equality or Equity?
I’ve always been unbothered by sexualised comments, inappropriate behaviours and exclusions that I have experienced in life and at work (whether it be men or women).
I didn’t want to be treated differently.
I’d rather people not change their behaviour or personality around me so that I can get a true sense of someone’s character.
When it comes to employment, I need a little more flexibility than my working husband does.
The comments (yep, there was a lot more said!) were a slap in the face.
While I often struggle with managing my time, focusing and being motivated in general, I’m not worthless or incapable of juggling work and children.
In fact, I think I juggle more appointments, lists, chores, reminders, tasks, meetings and schedules than many working men – all stay-at-home-Mums and working Mums do.
And I am the primary parent after all.
On top of this, having to be a wife, drowning in lack of friendships, failing to keep my life in order doesn’t make me undesirable.
It means, Mr. Career Man: cut me some freakin’ slack and do better than your generation’s idea of what a woman should be capable of in 2024.
Struggling to find work
I felt empowered by making the choice to choose a new career path.
What I had not planned on was that so many others were in my position.
At this stage, a job is not looking like it is on the cards for me any time soon.
For one, it’s a competitive job market as it seems everyone is looking for a new career.
And secondly, I’m not yet able to return to work. A bit more about that later.
What I’ll take away from recent experiences is that I did the right thing and a better opportunity in my working life will eventually come along.